So its a another Sunday which is getting wasted in the regular way of getting drunk & then cursing the system be it related with the country , the job or rather the frustration of a man who is still single. Well that was just a summary of the usual routines which i am rather forced to follow in circumstances like these.
Suddenly, Life has changed a lot in the last three years. I was a carefree individual always running away from realities & was always thinking that "grass is always greener on the other side' but, When you are surrounded in a closed system you always feel safe & when you cross the line or rather i should say when you cross the limits of your comfort zone, then you start facing the naked truth of selfishness, internal politics, ego clashes etc. The same things which you used to hate it when you were a little immature but still a sensible person, become a part of you.
I was always a dreamer & nature & music were the things which were always my priorities, but with just dreaming & doing nothing you can't fill your belly. Nature is something which inspires me to move forward & music is something which gives me peace. it makes me feel connected to myself. I always wanted to be a photographer during the day & was always willing to click nature & pack my bags at any given instant. By the end of the day, i wanted to be a musician & wanted to play a guitar for the loved ones. I wanted to be a free soul & also wanted to move to new places & make new friends, but life is not all about just just chilling up. It demands some social responsibilities as you grow up. Those days of roaming freely here & there in the college campus soon came to an end & the "responsibility" was soon going to be enforced upon me. I always desired a Utopian world of my own with a little existence of the people who were close to me. When you close your eyes, you always see the the picture according to your own wish but soon as you get awaken you realize there is no such image which you were thinking before.
When I left my folks for a new city for a new job, never did i realized i will be so alone in this city. I at times forced myself to stay longer in the office so that at-least the loneliness which I was facing due to issues in my life will get a little bit of pause & i will be at peace with myself. Those moments of smoking up endless cigarettes & drinking alone at nights was a total collapse for me. It wasn't as if i was not happy. I was quite satisfied with my job, with my boss but something inside me was always against the system. I sometimes guess it was due to my super inclination towards psychology & philosophy , but these moments of unfulfilled desires , they start haunting you when you are searching for an inner peace. When you start staying alone then only you realize the values of relations. I was always a notorious kid, running away from tough situations. In this new city there were moments when i never spoke to anyone for days, sometimes for months yet i was happy with the music being on my side. Photography, my other passion in the meanwhile got lost in time & in the meanwhile i was happy liking pictures on some social networking sites. I left my cam at home & was now spending most of my life in front of screen & working on excel sheets. When you don't have a company to share your thoughts, it gives you a total breakdown. Its always better to have a support system rather than relying on your own self. In the last three years i have lost many things & found few moments which i can totally cherish for a lifetime. I am not denying that i was a stupid guy, but things need to change. Its okay if you don't follow all of your dreams, but its necessary to follow your passion .
I might have made some mistakes, but right now i need some space for me so that i can close my eyes again & get relieved myself again in the trance of Utopia of my own.
